WIKTT
by Parody-of-an-Angel
Summary: based on the song 'When i kissed the teacher' by ABBA - not a songfic. HGSS over 3000 words!


Not all who wander are lost  
  
I know lots of people have probably done this but I just couldn't resist. I got the lyrics to the song from www.songlyrics.com. It's got everything!  
  
Disclaimer – I do not own any of the characters mentioned below or the song. ABBA owns the song and the almighty JK owns the characters. We bow down to you JK – after TOLKIEN of course! (sorry)  
  
Sorry if the beginning is very similar to my other fics. I'm not very good at beginnings or endings for that matter.  
  
Now for some shameless self advertising!  
  
IF YOU LIKE THE HERMIONE/SEVERUS PAIRING THEN GO AND READ MY OTHER FIC. IT IS CALLED KARAOKE SNAPE AND AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL FROM THE TITLE IS ABOUT SNAPE SINGING KARAOKE! I HAVE JUST UPLOADED THE SECOND CHAPTER AND SHOULD BE WRITING THE THIRD BUT.............................I'M WRITING THIS INSTEAD!!  
  
BEWARE THE SPOILERS 00 /  
  
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"Everybody screamed when I kissed the teacher  
  
And they must have thought they dreamed when I kissed the teacher  
  
All my friends at school  
  
They had never seen the teacher blush, he looked like a fool  
  
Nearly petrified 'cos he was taken by surprise  
  
When I kissed the teacher  
  
Couldn't quite believe his eyes, when I kissed the teacher  
  
My whole class went wild  
  
As I held my breath, the world stood still, but then he just smiled  
  
I was in the seventh heaven when I kissed the teacher  
  
One of these days  
  
Gonna tell him I dream of him every night  
  
One of these days  
  
Gonna show him I care, gonna teach him a lesson alright  
  
I was in a trance when I kissed the teacher  
  
Suddenly I took the chance when I kissed the teacher  
  
Leaning over me, he was trying to explain the laws of geometry  
  
And I couldn't help it, I just had to kiss the teacher  
  
One of these days  
  
Gonna tell him I dream of him every night  
  
One of these days  
  
Gonna show him I care, gonna teach him a lesson alright  
  
What a crazy day, when I kissed the teacher  
  
All my sense had flown away when I kissed the teacher  
  
My whole class went wild  
  
As I held my breath, the world stood still, but then he just smiled  
  
I was in the seventh heaven when I kissed the teacher  
  
(I wanna hug, hug, hug him)  
  
When I kissed the teacher  
  
(I wanna hug, hug him)  
  
When I kissed the teacher  
  
(I wanna hug, hug, hug him)  
  
When I kissed the teacher  
  
(I wanna hug, hug him)  
  
When I kissed the teacher  
  
(I wanna hug, hug, hug him)"  
  
- When I kissed the Teacher by Abba  
  
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Hermione Granger yawned as her eyelids slowly flitted open to let in the light which was filtering through the window. Sunbeams danced across her pale skin in no particular pattern, the glass panes making them vary in a multitude of bright colours. Looking around and quickly registering the fact that the other girls were still sleeping as it was still very early in the morning, she quickly slipped out of her scarlet bed, relinquishing the warmth it had provided her with.  
  
She had been offered the position of Head Girl that year and all that came with it including her own room, but had declined. Professor McGonagall had found that strange seeing as it had basically been her life ambition since her first year, but Dumbledore had just nodded, his blue eyes twinkling knowingly. The truth was, Hermione had badly wanted to accept, but at the same time had known that her studies would suffer for it. There were responsibilities which came with the position that one could not ignore. In the end it had come down to the choice between dreams and academic levels. She had chosen the latter in the end, because even though being head girl would look good on her resume, having straight A's would look better.  
  
Padding across the carpeted floor, she grabbed a few things before going to take a shower. With partially cold water running over her, it was easy to think positively. The one thing which brought a thundercloud to her sunny disposition though was the prospect of double potions with the Slytherins that afternoon. Pushing the unwelcome thought to the back of her mind, she bathed and was changed in little over 10 minutes.  
  
Checking the time and seeing that it was still only 6:30 in the morning, she decided to go for a walk in the grounds. Winter was here and it had snowed over night, covering the ground with a thick blanket of pure white snow. Wrapping a Gryffindor coloured scarf around her neck and hugging her robes to her chest, she exited the girl's dormitories and strode through the common room and out the portrait hole, the fat lady still snoring in her frame.  
  
Hearing the door close shut with a thump, Hermione breathed in the cool, crisp air of the morning. Letting the wind whip strands of brown hair across her face, she exhaled slowly and stepped tentatively onto the snow. Her foot immediately sunk down around 4 inches and she quickly cast a repellent charm on her boots. Walking across the snow and leaving a single trail of footsteps in a wavy line behind her, Hermione made her way to the lake. It was not yet frozen, but it was only a matter of time before it would become solid. She knew that students weren't supposed to be outside before breakfast and that she was running a huge risk of house points being taken off by being out here, but she had never been caught before as even teachers liked to sleep in sometimes.  
  
Gazing into the depths, she searched for the giant squid. Spying a pallid tentacle just below the surface, she threw some of the scraps she had brought with her into the water. Rising to the surface, the vast beast shook itself, sending water flying all over the place. It didn't touch Hermione though as she had taken the initiative to cast a repelling charm on not just her boots, but also herself.  
  
The squid was used to her presence as Hermione always walked through the snow in winter. Smiling as she remembered the first time it had done that, soaking her to the core she walked to the edge of the lake and sat down on the snow. Throwing some more scraps left from dinner onto the now disturbed surface, Hermione mused at when this habit had started. It was in her fifth year, she realised, when she had come here after Sirius's death for solitude and peace, Harry wasn't the only one who had cared for him deeply, as even though she didn't approve of his treatment of Kreacher, he was still a good man. The squid was becoming quite domesticated because of this – looking forward to winter and the feeding it would bring with it. Hermione and the squid had formed some sort of mutual agreement with each other. She would feed it and it wouldn't drown her.  
  
Petting the giant tentacles, she realised that she would have to go back soon or miss breakfast. Hermione briefly considered this, but her grumbling stomach quickly extinguished that thought. Besides, repelling charms can only do so much and Hermione's lower back was going pretty numb. Checking the time, she noted that she had been sitting there for over an hour and that breakfast would be starting in 5 minutes. Removing the limb from her lap, she slowly rose, stretching her arms and legs, stiff from staying in the same position too long.  
  
Running towards the looming castle, her breath hitching and coming out in wisps of steam as she tried to warm up the muggle way, Hermione suddenly collided with something large and solid, causing her to fall back onto the snow. Craning her neck up to see whom she had run into, amazed that he hadn't fallen down too (as was the force of the collision) she was shocked to see Professor Snape looming over her. It was very rare to see him outside as he usually preferred to lurk in his dungeons. Much less when it was snowing and he was supposed to be at breakfast. Hermione supposed he had apparated here, which would explain his sudden appearance.  
  
"Miss Granger, it would be wise to watch where you are going once in a while," he sneered down at her, not bothering to help her up.  
  
Scrambling to her feet, a deep flush spreading across her face, not from embarrassment, but from anger, Hermione rose and brushed snow off her skirt. She would be damned if she was going to apologise for something that wasn't her fault and so didn't respond to his statement, looking down at her feet instead.  
  
"Look at me when I speak," he commanded harshly and Hermione raised her head to look him straight in the eye.  
  
Very few people, much less students, had ever dared to do that and Severus liked it that way. Now this muggleborn Gryffindor was staring at him as if challenging him and he didn't like it one bit. She was getting too brave; he decided and needed some sense, not to mention fear, knocked back into her.  
  
"20 points from Gryffindor for your clumsiness which may have resulted in bodily harm being done to a teacher," he smirked as her face fell and she dropped her gaze. That should take care of it, he thought to himself, but just in case...."And another 20 for being outside when you aren't supposed to be".  
  
Inside, Hermione was seething. How dare that overgrown bat blame her for the collision when there was no way she could have known he was about to apparate there? On the outside though, she was the perfect picture of defeat, lowering her eyes and slouching a bit. She would get him back though...one day. Perhaps even this day, she thought, a plan forming in her mind, while she raised her head to once again look him in the eye. It was a bit risky true, but Hermione was in a daring mood today.  
  
Severus was startled to say the least when he met her gaze. He had just taken away nearly half the Gryffindor house points and here she was, staring at him and smiling in an almost evil way. In fact – that was his smile! The one used when something bad was about to happen to one of the students, namely Longbottom. Feeling slightly nervous now he ordered her to go inside, which she did obligingly, while he made his way to his original destination – the lake.  
  
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"Morning Moine!" was the shout which greeted her as she plopped down into her seat at the Gryffindor table, coming from two young men who then preceded to engulf her in a bone crushing hug. Harry and Ron had grown tall over the years, especially Ron who towered over her elfin frame at over 6 foot. Apart from their appearances they hadn't changed much though, remaining immature indefinitely in their personalities. Ron was still a freckle faced Weasley and Harry was amiable and recovering well from the death of his godfather. At the moment, Harry was reading the Daily Prophet and Ron was shoving toast, eggs, bacon and all manner of other foods into his mouth, every now and then washing it down with a slurp of orange juice.  
  
Turning away from this disgusting show of appetite, she instead decided to engage in a conversation with Ginny, the petite redhead, youngest of the Weasley clan. Ginny was in her sixth year at Hogwarts this year and had grown into a willowy young lady. The curse of Weasley clumsiness had seemly skipped her; instead she possessed a grace which could easily rival that of a pure blood. Silly as it seemed, Hermione sometimes envied Ginny and her simple way of life. Ginny was not yet old enough to become a member of the Order and all that it entailed. Instead she led a carefree life, devoid of anything remotely similar to anything that had happened in her first year. Plus, she had no NEWTS to worry about and hours were not spent in the library, poring over think tomes by candlelight.  
  
Pushing away the jealous thoughts she decided instead to ask the girl how her holidays had been. At this question, the talkative Ginny zoomed on about her stay with Charlie in Romania and how she feed dragons and rode them and tamed them. After the bit about making food out of their manure, Hermione tuned her out, occasionally nodding her head or inserting a comment when she deemed fit. Instead, she thought about the thing that was going to take place that afternoon – Double Potions with the Slytherins. Normally, the prospect of Double Potions with a bunch of Slytherins was enough to ruin any Gryffindors day like it had just a few hours ago. Hermione however was not just any Gryffindor – she was a Gryffindor with a plan. A plan that if executed well would exact her somewhat weird revenge on Snape. With that in mind, Hermione was both excited about and nervous about the coming afternoon.  
  
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Before she knew it, Hermione was once again seated at the Gryffindor table, the only difference being that it was now lunch. Her mind had been somewhat distracted throughout Transfiguration and Arithmancy and both Vector and McGonagall had commented on it after class, seeing as Hermione was usually the one answering all the questions and rapidly taking notes. She had done none of that that lesson, instead trying to imagine the results of her plan and if they would have any effect on her schoolwork.  
  
Ron was once again eating as if he hadn't eaten enough for 5 men at breakfast only a couple of hours ago, but Harry wasn't touching his food and kept shooting little glances at Hermione which were starting to get on her nerves. Finally, not able to take it anymore, she spoke, breaking the silence between them.  
  
"Why are you staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Did you see a prediction about me in Divination?" she asked a sombre Harry.  
  
"You can't go through with it!" he exclaimed after a minute's silence. "I won't let you".  
  
"Go through with what?" Hermione asked puzzled.  
  
"Go through with what you're going to do in Potions!"  
  
"How do you know what I'm going to do in Potions?" she asked, surprised.  
  
"Well, you know how I always copy your notes in Transfiguration?" he asked. Hermione nodded her head for him to go on.  
  
"You had written your plan there! Hell, you had even sketched it using stick figures," moaned Harry. A quiet oh of realisation was heard from Hermione as her mind processed what she had just heard.  
  
"I can't let you go through with it," stated Harry emphatically. "This is Snape we're talking about here. You could get expelled!"  
  
"But it would be worth it just to see the look on his face!" argued the normally logical Hermione.  
  
For the remainder of lunch, they argued about the matter until Hermione finally swore not to do it if Harry helped her exact an even better revenge – one that wouldn't get them expelled. This done, he relaxed and attacked his food with a gusto to rival Ron's, who was still going strong. Just then Dumbledore stood up and signalled that it was time for the students to adjourn to class. Pushing back their chairs, the golden trio collected their bags and joined the throng of students heading out of the great hall, wherein they separated from them to make their way down to the dungeons. Hermione pulled her robes tighter around her, trying to block out the frostiness of the dungeons as the trio made their way deeper into Hogwarts. Entering the familiar room, Hermione sat down at a desk in the back with her friends and waited for the professor to arrive, which he did nearly five minutes late.  
  
Professor Snape stalked into the classroom dramatically, his robes sweeping behind him in his signature way. By now though, the seventh years were used to this and it no longer made them nervous, with the exception of Neville Longbottom of course, who was pale and clammy.  
  
"Get into pairs," he ordered, glaring down his nose at them. "The instructions are on the board and I trust that you are by now competent enough to be able to brew a simple healing draught by the end of the lesson".  
  
The healing potion on the board was actually far from simple, being one of the most complicated ones around. Everything needed to be added at the precise moment and the amount of times stirred and in what direction stirred had to exact. Ron, taking pity on Hermione who usually paired with Neville, went over to work with him instead, leaving Hermione to partner Harry. Shooting him a grateful look, she then proceeded to gather the ingredients needed while Harry lit the fire under the cauldron.  
  
One and a half hours and one exploded cauldron later, Hermione was just about to add the last ingredient, hellebore, which was supposed to turn the liquid pale silver in colour. Ron and Neville had been taken to the hospital wing as the exploding cauldron had belonged to them. Snape was coming around to check that their potions were satisfactory, making scathing remarks to those unfortunate souls who had bungled theirs and taking points away from students – mainly Gryffindors. Dropping the plant into their cauldron, Hermione stirred it 6 times widdershins and waited for it to dissolve and take effect. Much to her dismay, instead of turning pale silver, the potion turned a deep, ebony green and fumes wafted into her face. Snape chose that moment to approach their desk and instantly smirked down upon them, glad to have the opportunity to take points off all three members of the dream team in one lesson.  
  
"Miss Granger!" he all but yelled. "Can you tell me how long you left your potion to simmer before adding the hellebore?  
  
With a sinking heart, Hermione realised their mistake. They hadn't waited 5 minutes for the dragon's tooth to dissolve before adding hellebore rendering it useless. Hermione racked her brain for what potion would have been created, all the while inhaling the sharp scent of the potion. Turning to Snape and planning to ask him what it was, she suddenly found her self leaning into him and before she knew it, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and was pulling his head down to meet hers.  
  
As their lips connected, screams broke loose around the classroom, the Gryffindors and Slytherins wearing identical expressions of disgust. Some were muttering under their breath, convinced they were dreaming, others had their eyes nearly popping out of their sockets, while others were stiff and pale, looking remarkably similar to those that had been petrified in her second year. People started dropping onto the floor in dead feints and a select few who had overcome their initial shock were cheering and catcalling, finding it highly amusing.  
  
After a while, Hermione broke the kiss which had been surprisingly enjoyable to her, a fact that made her think that she was going slightly mental. Wringing her hands nervously, she tried to remain calm, while the world seemed to stand still as she waited for him to say something. Hearing nothing she chanced to look up at her Potions master, who much to her and her classmates surprise had a slight blush covering his cheeks. NEVER ever had anyone seen the professor blush before. Out of the corner of her eye, she sae Harry muttering to himself 'I told her not to do it but noooo, now she's really in for it'.  
  
Inwardly bracing herself for the expected detentions and house point deductions that would surely come she was surprised to notice that he still had yet to say anything. Then he did a thing which would go down in Hogwarts history forever – he smiled.  
  
The potion elevated a person's impulsive nature  
  
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What a crap ending! Oh well, I couldn't think of anything. Sorry to all those people who wanted a descriptive kiss, but I'm not good at that sort of thing.  
  
PRETTY PLEASE REVIEW and if you liked this story go R&R my other fic karaoke Snape. If you didn't like it then feel free to leave a review with constructive criticism in it, but please refrain from flaming.  
  
Now for some more shameless self advertising! Go visit is like the longest chapter thing I've ever written and is my first one-shot! GO ME!  
  
3658 words 


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